Hope Avenue Counseling Services
My WordPress Blog
Emotionally Hijacked Just the other day I saw someone on the freeway get extremely pissed off because he was cut off by another driver. As an observer from outside the situation you could see the man get filled with anger in an instant. You could see him yelling something as he provided the other driver […]
Just the other day I saw someone on the freeway get extremely pissed off because he was cut off by another driver. As an observer from outside the situation you could see the man get filled with anger in an instant. You could see him yelling something as he provided the other driver a middle finger as he passed.
This guy was extremely upset. In that very moment he lost track of what was most important. “I remember thinking to myself, this dude is super pissed off. He must have been really emotionally triggered by that situation. This happens to us all the time. Something will happen and we have an extreme emotional response.
Simply put, a trigger is an activation mechanism. When someone becomes triggered, they are being emotionally activated. Have you ever gotten super pissed instantaneously, by something someone said or did? Hypothetically speaking, let’s say that you’re passionate and dedicated poet, who identifies as being a good writer. If someone were to criticize this person’s work and it caused an extreme emotional response. The feeling that arose is due to being emotionally triggered.
5 Types of Triggers
There are many things that set us off or cause very strong emotional response within us, however, I will provide 5 simple ways in which we are triggered. Just think of our five senses: hearing, smelling, taste, touch, and sight. Each of our 5 senses can cause an activation of emotions.
Hear: You can hear something familiar and be emotionally activated. Good example, listening to music; the music can activate/trigger past or present feelings. What you hear can remind you of a difficult time or remind you of a time in which you overcame an obstacle.
Smell: For example, let’s say there is an individual who was physically violated by a person with a distinct scent. It is safe to say that the person whom was violated will probably never forget that scent; the scent alone can trigger the past memories of abuse and the accompanying emotions.
Taste: For taste I have a personal example. There is a dish that my mother would make when I was a child, it triggers me to this day. In the past, whenever I would smell or taste this dish it would trigger a time in my life in which I felt helpless and afraid. The smell and taste of the dish reminded me of how powerless I felt, how weak I was, and how there were many things out of my control. It reminds me of a difficult time in my childhood. Trigger!
Sight: Have you ever watched something on television or see something in your personal life that acts as a trigger when you see it? Here is a subtle example. I have a friend who avoids a particular movie because it triggers memories of a painful childhood. Just the sight alone of this film sends this person into a tailspin. It triggers them every time.
Here’s another example, have you ever looked at something that has triggered you? The answer is probably yes. Think of looking at an old picture of yourself or someone else. Once you view that picture it can trigger an array of emotions.
Touch: This is one of the most frequently recognized triggers. Think of a PTSD veteran who is hypervigilant (an edgy person on high alert for detecting a threat). This person might respond differently to someone putting a hand on their shoulder than someone who doesn’t have PTSD. For the PTSD veteran, a hand on the shoulder can trigger treat and danger.
It is extremely important that we become aware of our triggers and where they originate. Only then can we combat these triggers with effective processing and coping skills. Take some time to explore what is going on below the surface. This is how it looks; if your emotional response and behavior doesn’t fit the facts (detecting threat when no cause for it) there may be something more going on below the surface.
Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself a few subtle questions. Why am I so bothered? How does this situation remind me of my past? What is the emotion I feel at this moment? As you begin to ask yourself these subtle questions, you allow yourself to separate from the problem and begin working toward the solution.
Are you Someone who Struggles with Anger Issues? Have you ever felt like you may have anger issues? Do you constantly blow up on people for little things? Do you react impulsively by cutting people down with your words? If this sounds like you; someone who struggles with anger issues, I can assure you that […]
Have you ever felt like you may have anger issues? Do you constantly blow up on people for little things? Do you react impulsively by cutting people down with your words? If this sounds like you; someone who struggles with anger issues, I can assure you that you are not alone.
Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. One of the most common triggers comes from this place of annoyance. If you have anger issues, one of the things that may set you off is things that you may believe to be “dumb, stupid, or universal knowledge.
There is the belief that people are dumb because they don’t understand common sense. I’d be the first to tell you, common sense isn’t always all that common. What that means is, not everyone thinks alike. Just because things were done a certain way and looked a certain way in your life growing up, it doesn’t mean that it is an identical experience for the next person.
It’s not fair to place a belief that things that makes sense and is understood by you, is universal knowledge; information that should be known by everyone. Those who have anger issues react on these type of occurrences with a heightened level of anger, on a scale of 1-10 they’d be in the range of 7-10. If someone falls into this category, their anger ranges between sever anger and explosive anger. Everyone expresses their anger differently, however, there are anger types that have a common thread.
If this sounds like you, you may be a volcano waiting to erupt. This is typically the makings of a “stuffer” anger type, someone who pushes their emotions down until one day they explode uncontrollably with emotion.
When we push our feelings down we leave ourselves susceptible to building up an enormous emotional energy that can cause great harm if unchecked. It’s easy to push our emotions away, however, there are residual effects as a result of doing so; each decision to push away erodes at your sense of self
This is a person who is dealing with upset feelings about a particular thing, but does not communicate those upset feelings during its occurrence; however, this individual waits for someone outside of the situation to explode upon. Quick example: someone gets really upset because they were chewed out at work, but doesn’t communicate their anger at the moment.
In fact, they bottle it up until said person arrives home and unleashes the anger out on their spouse. When you carry the anger from a previous environment into a new environment you might be setting yourself up to react impulsively; often times we don’t respond from our best selves when we react to situations as opposed to responding to them. Responding as opposed to reacting implies that there has been a processing of thought before engagement, allowing one to pause for a split second, and respond from their greater self.
Anyone who struggles with anger issues have learned over time how to deal with angered emotions in a distinct way. Often times, their method of expression is directly correlated to those in which they were raised with. That could be friends, family, or television.
Just as we have learned to express our anger issues in a particular way, we can also learn the tools to effectively manage our anger.
It is all determined by our ability to be aware of ourselves and our anger. In order to determine your personal level of awareness it might be helpful to elicit the help of a trusted person you know and ask for some honest feedback.
In addition to the feedback, utilize your personal beliefs about your anger issues, as an example, think of a barometer and determine where you are on a scale of 1-10, and if your belief is identical to that of the trusted individual’s feedback you may have a good understanding of the level to which you have anger issues. From there you should now be able to apply attention to this area and make adjustments if necessary.
The behavior might vary in range of expression, sometimes It may look like a shouting match, other times it might be a full on physical confrontation leading to a fist fight. The goal for us all should be to effectively manage our anger issues by utilizing tools that have been predetermined. Meaning that you have already determined your struggle with anger issues and have put a plan in place to manage any potential anger outbursts.
Most of us do not have an effective anger management strategy, in fact, most of us do not believe we have anger issues at all.
A number of people manage their anger by utilizing distractions like: drugs, alcohol, sex, television, and food. These are not the best way to handle our emotions, especially when we may be emotionally hijacked.
What these distractions do is allow us to not address or think about that very thing that may be bothering us, and push down the emotion we’re experiencing until it passes. Possessing proper coping tools is the hallmark of a well adjusted emotionally regulated person. Effective coping tools are things like: exercise, eating healthy, hobbies, journaling, meditation, and talking to a trusted individual.
Each individual should have a least five coping tools at their disposal because you never know when you will be triggered, but you can always be prepared beforehand in case difficult situations and emotions arise.
Take a look at the video below and learn more about anger issues and the massive impact possessing anger issues can cause on someone’s life.
Anger is something we all deal with, some of us handle this emotion better than others. If you are someone who struggles with anger and no longer want to feel out of control; click here to learn more about seeking additional assistance from a trained mental health professional.
Here’s a short reminder: there are people out here who understand your experience and want to assist you to overcome powerlessness. There is someone who can help you work through life’s challenges and assist in propelling your life forward in a way that allows you to regain control of your life and your emotions.
What is Anger Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Another example of anger would be, when someone does something that we do not like, or feel threatened by, this feeling of anger can begin to show itself. When we experience a strong feeling of displeasure, often times, that is […]
Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Another example of anger would be, when someone does something that we do not like, or feel threatened by, this feeling of anger can begin to show itself. When we experience a strong feeling of displeasure, often times, that is anger.
Have you ever been a part of an experience in which you were left with a strong feeling of displeasure? This happens to us all the time; that moment someone says something that we don’t like or approve of, this feeling of anger begins to emerge.
Most of us respond from this angered place instinctively as well as impulsively. For example, If someone were raised in a home or environment where the expression of anger were commonplace this individual might also express anger in a way that is reflective of that experience. By result, instinctively one might respond to situations and events in a similar way from people in their immediate environments. We learn from the people and things directly or indirectly within our personal ecosystem.
In psychotherapy there is a term we use called “modeling.” It essentially means conducting yourself in a particular manner to display a proper way of managing or conducting oneself. When we model adequate behavior it can have great impact. It provides the other person with an experience that may lead to a future corrective behavioral response.
All behavior is learned behavior, whether you are aware of it or not. We don’t just wake up one day and start mistreating people, that is something we learn. Just how some of us have learned to behave negatively, we can also learn to behave totally opposite, motivated by being positive and encouraging.
If you are someone who struggles with anger issues, there is help and many options available. It all starts with an openness to providing yourself an honest assessment of your anger level. This will allow you to bring attention to this area and make the necessary adjustments or corrections. Especially for those who struggle with being positive and encouraging to others.
If you’re an honest person you’d admit that anger has probably gotten the best of you at one point or another. What makes one individual upset does not necessarily make the next individual upset, it varies. It differs from person to person.
Often times when we get upset, there is a cause and effect situation taking place. Before we get upset, there is a cause (the things that piss us off) followed by the effect (the reaction to the situation, i.e, expression of anger). During this cause and effect situation what’s under the surface is the lack of understanding that anger is a secondary emotion.
For example, let’s say you have a teenage child who is 16 years old. He or she has been given a curfew of 11pm. Say for instance he or she comes strolling in at two in the morning. I’m sure for most of us, we are gonna be pissed, which is another word for being angry or upset.
Before the feeling of upset or anger emerges, there is a flash of other potential emotions that arise. Consequently, these emotions often do not receive the proper attention necessary. Acquiring this subtle attuned skill can aid in the discussion with the child later.
Initially the first emotion we might experience is fear; fear that something may have happened to your child or the child may be a part of an unsafe situation. Fear is not the only emotion being experienced. Another emotion might be sadness; sad because the whereabouts of your child are unknown and there is a potential chance that your child may be in danger.
When you think about it, there were various emotions that one had experienced. The harsh reality is we don’t acknowledge our full spectrum of emotions. We isolate our focus and primarily give our attention to the anger. When this happens, we run the risk of reacting impulsively and responding from a place of anger.
It would benefit us to have an understanding of anger being a secondary emotion. The emotions that transpires before the anger is considered primary emotions. Let’s rewind back to the analogy from earlier with the child coming home past curfew.
Once that child walks through the door, the primary emotion that is often displayed is anger. If we can become aware that anger is a secondary emotion it can aid us in our management of our anger. It will allow us to convey the additional accompanying emotions to enhance greater understanding.
